1. Put it in writing.
Sometimes, saying, “I want you, now” out loud can feel
intimidating or embarrassing, especially if that kind of talk doesn’t come
naturally to you, experts says a couples and sex therapist and author of
Getting the Sex You Want. But writing down your desires can help shake off your
inhibitions, since you can get your point across without face-to-face contact.
Pop a note in your husband’s coat pocket before you leave for work, send him an
email (to his personal account!) or tap out a quick text message. What you say
depends on your relationship, but, “Try to break out of your comfort zone to
help build erotic anticipation,”. Texting things like, “Can’t wait until
tonight,” or “Having a naughty thought about you right now” can work to build
excitement for what’s to come. Or, you
can be more graphic than you might feel comfortable doing in person, saying
something like, “Tonight, I’m getting into bed naked and will do XYZ to you…”
2.Establish an “I’m in the mood” code.
Between the two of you, come up with a word or phrase that
is a secret call for sex. “Make it something that you can say in front of your
kids, or even your in-laws”. The contrast between how ordinary the code sounds
to others and what it really means to you stirs up excitement and fosters
intimacy. Try something like, “Honey, can you help me balance the checkbook
later?” or, “I really have a headache!” .
3. Get—and
stay––in the mood.
When it comes to summoning sex, getting yourself in the mood
is half the battle. “You are more likely to initiate sex later if you pay
attention to your own feelings first”. Look at some erotic images, such as
those in the Kama Sutra, or read a few passages from a favorite romance novel
to put you in a sexual state of mind. If that’s not your speed, just spend some
time thinking in detail about the last time you had sex, which will help rev
your appetite. Doctors also recommends going for a walk to boost endorphins,
wearing lingerie to work or even thinking about your favorite celebrity crush.
By reminding yourself to keep sex at the forefront of your mind all day, the
positive vibes will last well until bedtime, inspiring you to make a move.
4. Send a
nonverbal cue.
If verbal requests for sex
are out of your comfort zone, don’t worry: non-verbal initiation can be just as
powerful. Try a kiss on his neck or a little ear-nibbling while he’s on the
computer or watching TV, suggests. Then escalate the gesture by stroking his
arm while you’re sitting near each other. Ramping it up slowly like this serves
two purposes: First, the element of surprise can boost sexual feelings;
secondly, the non-verbal come-on can be unexpected, which could pave the way
for spontaneous sex,.
5. Try
something new together.
Explore unknown territory as a couple, whether that means
attending a free art class at your library, going to see a foreign movie or
signing up for a volunteer opportunity in your community. “When couples do new
things together they produce more dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical,”
which will help make you feel closer. And if you enjoyed that foreign film or
art class and ended up making love when you got home? That tradition will
likely catch on, so doing it after any excursion may become a delicious habit.
6. Be
generous with compliments.
As relationships progress, couples are often less inclined
to court and compliment one another. Noticing—and appreciating—each other’s
positive attributes not only fosters affection, but will also remind you both
of the early days of your relationship, when sex was likely intoxicating and
frequent. The key here is to identify those times that your partner looks sexy
or really impresses you, and tell him rather than keep it to yourself. Try
something like, “I was looking out the window when you were mowing the lawn.
You looked so hot in those shorts!” Or, “Honey, you just look so sexy to me
when you’re cooking us dinner.” That kind of appreciation is an ideal segue
into sex.
7. Change the
timing.
Instead of initiating sex as the two of you are brushing
your teeth or settling into bed with a book, make your move during
unusual-for-you times. The idea is that by taking him (and yourself!) by
surprise, you may shed a few of your inhibitions, since the experience will
feel out of context. “Try anything that’s out of the ordinary, like hugging him
from behind when he’s washing dishes and whispering, ‘Wanna do it?’ in his ear”.
Turning the expected on its head sparks excitement—for both of you. Conversely,
the same thing might happen when you make the effort to schedule sex; the
anticipation—and the habit—all build sexual excitement as you count down
towards "go" time.
8. Play the
“remember when” game.
As you’re sitting on the couch together, or over dinner,
recall your best, sexiest memories. “Saying things like, ‘Hey, remember that
time when we went to Jamaica on that vacation and it took us a whole afternoon
to even leave the hotel room?’ tells him that you are thinking about him in a
sexual way,”. And reminiscing together about past experiences will not only
pave the way for a romp in the hay, but will also reinforce the bond between
you as a couple.
9. Be
straightforward!
Being absolutely direct is natural for some women, and a
little harder for others. If you can master it, nothing works better. What man
doesn’t want to hear, “I’m taking a shower. Care to join me?” Or, “Get in bed.
Now.” The perks of being direct are that you don’t have to worry about being
clever or creative, or expending loads of time and energy conjuring up ways to
ask for it. And in this case, practice makes perfect! The more you directly ask
for sex, the more second nature it will become.
